1. Many, if not most of these broken dads feel that they are alone and lost. Men don’t sit around and talk to each other about their challenges or despondency as many women might. These dads usually keep deep inside them their brokenness.  What is a church for, if not to minster to those in need?

2. These dads need a sense of community, one they can only get from thriving churches. They have lost their family, have had their hearts broken and have gone from spending unlimited time with their children to being relegated to “every-other-weekend” dads. They need to be part of a community, a good community, such as your church!

3. Following my seminar, these dads will move from the excitement of that great day back to the reality of their lives. They have lost their children. They are faced with following a court-ordered parenting time schedule, with their own kids!  Often times, our family courts devalue these dads, so now they also may begin to feel inadequate, or worse yet, worthless. Thousands of divorced and unwed dads in the midst of custody cases have committed suicide in the U.S. in the past few years.  These dads reached the end of their ropes, felt they were hopelessly alone and had no community support. Our churches must step up and be there for these dads, who number in the millions across our country.

I would love nothing more than to present my seminar to thousands of churches throughout America. Most statistics show that the average congregation is 35-40% divorced adults. Many of these are dads still in the midst of nightmare custody cases. The pastor may not even know the extent of their pain. 

I was a senior pastor for many years before I resigned my pastorate to get honest with God. My marriage was over and I had become the biggest hypocrite in my church.  Soon after I resigned, I divorced. No one in my church had any idea my marriage was broken. 

If you are a pastor or in the ministry in some way and you see the need to minister to these dads, please contact me. Email me at: pastors@odadi.org.

Children Raised by BOTH parents are happier and more successful

By JENNY HOPE

Children behave better, learn more and are better adjusted if their father is involved in their lives, a major study shows.

Researchers found that a good relationship between youngsters and fathers had a positive effect that could last for two decades.

In low-income homes, regular contact was also seen to lead to less juvenile crime.

Anna Sarkadi, of Sweden’s Uppsala University, where the research was carried out, said: “Our detailed 20-year review shows that overall, children reap positive benefits if they have active and regular engagement with a father figure.

“We found various studies that showed that children who had positively involved father figures were less likely to smoke and get into trouble with the police, achieved better levels of education and developed good friendships with children of both sexes.

“Long-term benefits included women who had better relationships with partners and a greater sense of mental and physical well-being at the age of 33 if they had a good relationship with their father at 16.

“It may seem obvious that what’s worked for centuries is good for individuals and society, but that’s what we found.”

She said the studies showed the value of the father’s input as a role model from babyhood to the teenage years.

The review, published in the latest issue of the journal Acta Paediatrica, looked at 24 papers published between 1987 and 2007.

The smallest study focused on 17 infants and the largest covered 8,441 people ranging from premature babies to 33-year-olds.

As well as examining research from Sweden and Israel, the Uppsala team looked at large-scale studies in the U.S. and the UK.

They found that children who lived with both a mother and father figure had fewer behavioural problems than those who lived with their mother only.

Behavioural problems in boys, and psychological problems in girls, were also less frequent. Intelligence, reasoning and language were more advanced in children who had good contact with both parents.

The researchers said it was not clear whether living with a biological father confers an advantage over living with a father figure alone.

“Our review backs up the intuitive assumption that engaged biological fathers or father figures are good for children, especially when the children are socially or economically disadvantaged,” added Dr Sarkadi.

“Children who lived with both a mother and father figure had less behavioural problems than those who lived with just their mother.

“However, it is not possible to tell whether this is because the father figure is more involved or whether the mother is able to be a better parent if she has more support.”

Norman Wells, of Family and Youth Concern, an independent charity, said the study showed that fathers were not an optional extra.

“Fathers and mothers complement each other and together provide a richness of care within the family that you can’t replicate in any other setting,” he added.

1) You divorced your ex, not your kids

Many divorced dads disconnect from their kids when they separate from their ex-wives, but the divorce can actually be an opportunity to re-connect with your children – this time on your own terms.

2) The only parenting expectations worth a damn are your own

Divorce freed you from not only your ex-wife’s expectations, but those of your parents, her parents, Dr. Phil, and all those dads you see talking joyously about fatherhood on television. You’re the expert when it comes to your kids. Create your own expectations and standards.

3) There’s no such thing as a part-time dad

You’re either a dad or you’re not. Many divorced dads spend more time with their kids than fathers in intact families. But no matter how much time you spend with your children, if you commit to it regularly and responsibly, you’re a dad. Period. Exclamation point.

4) You are not a babysitter

There’s no need to constantly take your children on expensive adventures, shower them with gifts, or keep them perpetually entertained, as if filling a perceived hole in their happiness. They are just as happy to simply be with you as you are to be with them.

5) Your children have two homes…and two sets of rules

Your kids don’t “visit” you; they live with you. They have one home with Mom and another with Dad. And if they can adapt themselves to different rules between home and school, they can do the same between home and home. The phrase “But Mom lets us” carries no weight in your home.

6) You have an “inner dad”

There’s an “inner dad” inside you. He’s the one who tells you when it’s OK to let your son stay up late, when it’s appropriate to be interrupted on the phone by a whining daughter, and whether a tense situation calls for stern rules or just an all-out, no-shoes family wrestling match. You’ll get to know that inner dad gradually, moment by moment, and in the process become a more genuine dad — the best kind of dad you can be.

7) Most kids can cope

Divorce doesn’t necessarily mean therapy time for your kids. Studies show that many children cope well with divorce, especially if there’s joint custody and the kids are encouraged to openly express their feelings and fears. When I got divorced, a quick internet search told me I was ruining both my and my children’s lives. But it didn’t go down like that — in fact, I now feel like a better dad than I’ve ever been and I’ve stopped treating Google like my conscience.

You can do what you like

Too many moms and dads feel martyrdom is a necessary part of the parenting process. Find those things that you and your children honestly enjoy together — going to the movies, having cart-races at Kmart, bowling, or impulsively getting pizza in the mid-afternoon. Your children love nothing more than watching you enjoy yourself with them. And it’s way more fun than standing on the playground sidelines checking your Blackberry, isn’t it?

9) Your issues with the ex don’t belong in your kids’ lives

Like the corn and mashed potatoes on your first-grader’s plate, your parenting should be separated from any conflicts you have with your ex. Children need to know their parents’ love is unconditional and impenetrable, even and especially in the face of something as potentially devastating as divorce.

10) You’ll screw up…and that’s okay.

Making mistakes is as fundamental in parenting as making dinner. Own up to them — your kids will learn that they can too.
Joel Schwartzberg is a father of three, an award-winning essayist, and author of the first-of-its kind collection of personal essays from the perspective of a divorced father, “The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad“

I know how you feel.

Your feeling of hopelessness, your question of self-worth, wondering what your legacy will be if not that of a dad. 

Your children need you in their lives. What this means, exactly, may not be your first choice, but your kids need you!

If you have any questions about how to get through this one day or what the future holds, call me now.

This is a free service.

Rick Baker – 760-212-3839

The big question is why? Sure there are abusive fathers and irresponsible fathers whose children are probably better off without them. But why do fathers who love their children disappear? If they love their children, how can they hurt them by abandoning them?

As a divorced dad explains in the article, “It’s about shame.” “In the world of masculinity,” writes Ms. Hampson, “you’re either a winner or a loser … It’s black and white. Divorce is seen as failure, ergo you’re a loser. Who wants to be reminded of that?”

Post-divorce conflicts over child support, parenting and visitation, coupled with spousal criticism, dating, remarriage or job relocation can strain a father’s relationship with his family to the breaking point.

“A man feels sadness,” explains Calvin Sandborn, author of Becoming the Kind Father.  ”But on some level he thinks, ‘I’m not supposed to feel sadness,’ so the way men react is to blame the person who is making them feel sad. They get angry. There’s an adrenalin rush. And that makes them feel powerful again.”

Many fathers who feel increasing anger at their marginalization in their children’s lives respond by leaving. Ill-equipped to deal with their emotions and unable to express them, they choose to avoid them. The pain of being repeatedly reminded of what they have lost, drives them away. They push away from the pain and anger caused by a situation they cannot control and in the process abandon the children they love.

By Mike Mastracci

These 8-hour seminars are free of charge. (In some extreme cases, I may ask for a love offering to cover my travel expenses) This is a ministry, and as such, not a profit-taking business.

The ideal format for the seminar is a Saturday event from 9-4:30.  However, some churches favor two weekday evenings, back to back, three hours each. Either format works, what matters is that this seminar is presented as soon as possible. Over 3,700 children are removed from their fathers every weekday of the year in America, and it is getting worse by the day.

Please contact me so we can schedule this life-changing event at your church!